people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
