I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
