You're a womanizer and a bitch.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
