You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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