Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
