Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize