she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
