I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
