I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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