do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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