she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
