great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
