I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
