I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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