can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
