does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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