bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Randomize
