feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
