you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
