I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Your penis caused this!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
