i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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