God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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