I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
