What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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