i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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