you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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