I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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