the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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