My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize