We won't sleep together?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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