My brain says no but my pants say off.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
