I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't deserve a penis
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
