1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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