And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
