I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Floor bacon is actually really good
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
