when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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