Apparently you make a good broom.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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