are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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