I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
