and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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