sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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