Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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