I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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