I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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