I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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