what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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