I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
