Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
