I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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