he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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