I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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