i just had sex bonerless
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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