Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
