I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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