So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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