just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize
