dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
