Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
