White coat. Heels.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The air taste purple.
Randomize
