i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
