john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
