JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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