remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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