I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it was like his penis was on wheels.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
