It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
