I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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