hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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