somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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