The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
