eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
