well most of my day revolves around power hour
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
