then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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