i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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