I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
