I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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