You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
