Even the bartender felt bad for me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
