yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
