Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
