I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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