he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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