So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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