Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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