Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
