You just made me feel so damn special
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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