it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
