They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
don't judge my taste in strippers
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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