I want to make a zoo with you.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
