none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I cannot find my penis.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
