Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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