Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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