I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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