Can Purell be used as lube?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
