you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
