dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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