I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
