we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize